I am looking back at a video I did six months ago and realized I loved it at the time, and though I still love it there’s so much I would’ve done differently. That’s the good thing about growth. You shouldn’t allow what used to be to affect your right now.
A year ago, I cried and complained that I am an artist but I have nothing to show for myself. How does that work?
Sometimes I still feel down. I don’t compare myself to others but I do see all my friends prospering and wonder why I am feeling down and not producing anything. But I clap for them, and support them because they are people I have known for some years. Plus, they have their own struggles too.
I understand that I will evolve differently. I have to keep remembering that.
(LOL side note, I’m wondering why I am not writing this in my real life journal.)
I do not want to be them, nor do I want to do what they’re doing. Yet, I get those down feelings, which is okay. We all do. We all have down feelings sometimes. Or even all the time.
So, on that note. I thank God for growth.
Even in my inner person. Looking back, I feel bad for myself. Ameerah last year was struggling emotionally, and it was taking a toll on her body. Not that I am much better now, but I have grown. Through that struggle, I learned so much about myself, about people, about life. Now, I can navigate the world a little better. I can create new, different art. I can help myself better. I am a little stronger, yet much weaker. I am more prepared, but ready to take more risks. There is just something about growth in your own perspective and your own person…
Sometimes God puts you through a growth period so that you can be ready for the purpose he has set for you-- so that you can be ready to prosper differently.